Happy Birthday Boris

Happy Birthday Boris from #ThingsElliottSays. Alexder Boris DePeffel Johnson is 50 years old today and so far has done a great job as Mayor of London. Boris is of course much better known for his cycling, blond haired buffoonery and being gaffe prone yet attracting massive popularity. Here is my favourite Boris moment.


So go have a great day Boris with a few celebratory drinks and a slice of cake.

"My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it"

Boris: Nick Clegg is Dave's Condom

Boris today has come out and said that Nick Clegg is Dave's condom. No seriously he has, only Boris could say that though. I bet Dave is rather embarrassed with Boris discussing his sex life.

Boris said of Nick Clegg“he’s there to serve a very important ceremonial function as David Cameron’s lapdog-cum-prophylactic protection device for all the difficult things that David Cameron has to do that cheese off the rest.” Boris continued by saying “He’s a kind of shield. He’s a lapdog who’s been skinned and turned into a shield to protect.” I don't know what Cleggers will take issue with most, the lap dog or condom description. 

Of course Boris has a history of taunting Nick Clegg, previously describing him as "wobbling jelly of indecision and vacillation." To be fair to Boris I don't think Nick can challenge that.

Boris is a great expert in politics and sex.

Boris Says 'Get Stuffed' to Assembly Member

Boris loses his rag at opposition assembly members over plans to change the London Fire Service. Go get them Boris.

Older, Slower, Wiser Dave

Dave has got a very bad back, has started wearing glasses and is going grey. Over the Summer a lot has happened to Dave. Let's hope he has become a lot wiser too. At least he isn't going bald.

Alexander Barclays de Pfeffel Johnson

Well you have heard it all now ladies and gentleman, Boris Johnson has said on LBC that if Barclays Bank will give £100 million more to fund Boris Bikes across London Boris will change his name to Barclays Johnson.

Be careful what you say Boris. We'll hold you to that one.

The Mayor of London, Barclays Johnson, riding with the terminator for some reason.

B J Woodhouse

Will Boris Johnson stand to become PM? This is the political question that follows the Mayor of London everywhere he goes. But after several months of detente between Dave and Boris, some political pundits are coming to the conclusion that Boris will never challenge the PM and may stay as the Mayor of London. But all those theories have been blown out of the water because Boris now says he wants to pursue a career as a romantic novelist under a P G Woodhouse pseudonym.

 Boris now wants to become a full time author.

Boris is currently in Australia and, as well as backing Tony Abbott and the Liberal Party against the socialists of Oceana, opened the Melbourne Writers Festival. There it was reported that Boris said he "may take up my pen. I would love to write a genuinely brilliant, rip-roaring airport book."

In Boris' novel the 72 Virgins there is a 'hapless member of parliament' who rides a bike.

Boris has already written many books from autobiographies to histories and science fiction to a political comedy which contains a 'hapless member of parliament' who rides a bike. I wonder who he based that character on? I have read Boris' book 'Johnson's Lives of London' and I rate it pretty highly.

 I recommend this book highly. Go buy it.

Boris said in Australia that "Romantic Fiction ... could be next" where he would write under the Pen Name of Rosie M. Banks, a recurring P G Woodhouse character, and that his book would have "sinister-looking orchids on the cover ... In a trance, you will buy this blockbuster ... and I hope to be somewhere quietly raking it in."

So there we are, we now know why Boris has recently said that Dave will be PM for a 'very long time'. Make sure you buy Rosie M. Banks' next book. 

 Dave is very happy that Boris has announced to take up writing full time.

Hic

Celebrations over the Royal Baby led Mr Gove and Mr Johnson to go out and raise a glass or maybe five. They were caught out on the streets of London wandering home. Gove now protests that he was just hot at the time.

There is nothing wrong with a good drink and if it were not for Government Guidelines #ThingsElliottSays would come out fully in support of them. It is quite funny however. Of course the recent cut in beer duty will have helped.

Weekly Poll Lowdown

Well the boarding sign has appeared for the idea of building Boris Island. Boris Island has been given a go ahead by you in our weekly. Boris will be pleased. Notably it is only Heathrow or Boris Island in people's mind.

A Cheery Boris over backing from #ThingsElliottSays readers.

How do you solve the UK's airport problems?

More runways at Heathrow.	24%
More runways at Luton or Stanstead.	0%
Build Boris Island.	76%
Build another airport.	0%

Total votes: 17

This is a very tough question because the Conservative Party's current policy is not to build any more runways at Heathrow. We made this policy decision and we should stick to it till our next manifesto till 2015, we're not the Lib Dems. But such a policy is very costly to our country. With the indecision at the moment £14 Billion is being lost every year and by 2030 this will rise to £26 Billion, not good at all. Indeed we probably need 2 more runways in the country just to solve this economic black hole. 

 Boris Island may look like this.

Heathrow alternatives are simply not economically viable. Boris Island will cost £50 Billion compared to Heathrow's £12 billion extension. The same is the case for Gatwick, Luton or Stansted which will need massive transport investment as well. Boris admitted recently that the most effective of all the airport solutions is another runway at Heathrow and then redevelopment of Gatwick over building Boris Island. Boris Island is simply not going to happen.

Boris Island is just unworkable as an idea.

But by building again at Heathrow there would be the age old problem that nobody living there wants it to happen because of the noise levels. This is probably Boris Island's only asset because flight paths will be over the North Sea where only Mermaids live. A solution as proposed by the Economist is to have two more sites to the West of Heathrow that may reduce noise pollution levels. The big problem is this is a may. The residents around Heathrow are almost destined to have some sort of increased noise.

There will always be opposition to any more development at Heathrow so air noise will have to be minimized.

In 2015 the Conservative Party should back a policy to build at Heathrow because otherwise there is going to be a huge economic problem in the country. I think such an expansion should try and reduce the noise level issues by moving developments West rather than North. The reality is however no one will be happy with any decision made.

Vote in the new poll on the sidebar.

Power of Suggestion

Boris: When can I move into No.10? 

Dave: P*#$ O*#

Google images being suggestive of the fight for Number 10 between David Cameron and Boris. I wonder if this is deliberate?

#WeeklyPollLowDown

Well lots of Love for Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson today. Only 10% of people who voted in the poll thought he'd be any good as PM. Inspiring for the man who people would associate as the most keen at this moment to take over from his good friend Dave. Also the turnout was very poor, come on chaps let's get this higher next time. Here are the full results:

yes	1 (10%)
no	9 (90%)
unsure	0 (0%)

Poll Result another blow to Boris' campaign to become PM

So what do I think about BoJo. Well I think he is actually fairly competent as a person. He may seem care free and a mess but I think in reality he's a lot more serious. Boris is an excellent Mayor of London, no doubt about it he is able in quite a left-wing city to make it Conservative led. Boris is great at uniting the city and has great policies.

My issue with Boris as PM is that he is not very different from Dave, in some areas like an amnesty for illegal immigrants he should be with the liberal democrats. Boris is probably more euro-sceptic but where it really matters on the economy there would be very little change. The only reason why the so called Tory 'Right' want Boris in is to get rid of Dave. After this there would be a chance of having a 'real' Conservative as leader. I think that's a stupid plan with too many things able to go wrong risking our country's economy massively. Also any idea of just making Boris PM because he is popular is even worse, it would degrade our party to a celebrity catwalk.

"When will I be PM?"

Boris please be Mayor forever but I can't support you to be PM.

In other news did you see the BBC Documentary on Boris. It was fairly good http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01rlx9l/Boris_Johnson_The_Irresistible_Rise/

Vote in the next poll.

You ‘Great Supine Protoplasmic Invertebrate Jellies’

The Socialists of London have kicked off today by trying to stop Boris passing his budget. Essentially because Boris is an elected mayor he needs two thirds of the members of London Assembly to have his plans voted down. The Conservatives are only 1 seat away from anti-Boris Labourites, Illiberal Democrats and Green Autocrats actually being able to join forces and stop these votes.

Unfortunately for Boris one Tory member was late to the assembly meeting today, which was crucial in passing the £16.5 billion budget for London. So the opposition tried an opportunistic coup to stop the budget and voted to skip Boris’ question time in order to move quickly to the budget vote. However, this didn't quite work as you can see in the video as the Tory member dashes in at the end. The budget did pass.

Boris called the members of the assembly 'great supine protoplasmic jellies' and rightly so for their lack of political scrutiny on matters. Of course this is just politics and they don't like Boris or his budget that will grow London. This failure to stop the budget has been hailed as a victory by Jenny Jones, a Green Assembly Member with eco-maniac with communist tendencies. Bit odd that, weird concept of victory.

To me this could be seen as a growing confidence in Britain's Left boosted by success with the work programme and tax evasion, notably of Starbucks. All of these of course were brought to the attention of the public of the Socialist Workers Party who went into places of work and protested so that no business could take place. Of course there is also the action against all government cuts and this seemed to be the main focus of budget problems for Boris as he is having to close 12 fire stations in London. But it’s actually tough times. I’d rather central government shaved more off welfare than having to close fire stations but because it seems politically impossible because of the Liberals and a very confused George Osborne. Boris has taken the only right decision to make cuts.

N.B. I thought the 'supine' was a Latin grammatical term till Boris said this.

Weekly Poll Lowdown

So the hustings are over and the votes have been counted (thanks to the 29 of you who voted). I can now exclusively reveal who you think will be the next Conservative Party leader and it is an overwhelming victory for Boris Johnson. William Hague came second, followed by Jesse Norman, Michael Gove, Liam Fox and lastly George Osborne who received nothing.

Boris Johnson	16 (55%)
Michael Gove	1 (3%)
George Osborne	0 (0%)
William Hague	6 (20%)
Jesse Norman	4 (13%)
Liam Fox	2 (6%)

55% of you are all wrong. I think the next leader will be Jesse Norman. Political predictions are less accurate than astrology in general but let me try and explain why. Boris is definitely going to stand as leader of the Conservative party but the intention of the party will be to have someone who is not too close to the Liberal Democrats and left political persuasion in the Conservatives. Boris may not be in the coalition but he is politically very similar to David Cameron. Do you remember Boris Johnson’s proposed amnesty for illegal immigrants or how he couldn't decide to have an EU referendum? If you read any of his books, which I have and positively recommend, you’ll see what Boris thinks to Adam Smith economics and how much he likes the welfare state. I do like Boris, I think he’s great, and his character wouldn't hold him back if leader of the Party but his politics is no different to his good chum Dave’s.

Jesse Norman on the other hand is not like David Cameron. He was in charge of the Conservatives who voted against the House of Lords reform and mastered control over the backbenchers with whips on the issue. Nor is he anything like David Cameron politically and they don’t really get on (see lobby argument after Lords reform was blocked). Jesse Norman is seen as very intelligent and has a good persona with other members of parliament. My advice then is to watch out for him at the next leadership election, although having said that more Jesse Norman like backbenchers may appear between now and then.

(If your a keen student of maths you will notice that the % do not add to 100 but are rounded to the nearest whole number)